Wishing for a Rainbow...

It's definitely spring.  So many announcements of new babies on their way.  Those tend to sting a bit.  There are a few that don't, but only because they are Rainbow Babies.  There isn't a point at which I could ever begrudge a fellow BLM a new Rainbow.  It makes me happy for them...and it makes my heart yearn that much more to stop adding to the pot of gold at the END of the Rainbow, but to actually achieve getting my very own Rainbow HERE IN MY ARMS, alive, and healthy!  I can't even begin to tell you the pull on my heart to have a Rainbow of my very own.  I just pray that it happens someday SOON!  This broken heart needs some happiness.  *sigh*

Live, Laugh, Love....

Peach

Infertility & Puppies

How ironic is life?  Here we have struggled for 6 years to get pregnant and carry to term with nothing but a string of 19 losses to show for it.  Just as I lose the last one, my dog gets pregnant.  REALLY??  Why is it that dogs never have fertility issues??  You never see that.  It's all so implicitly simple for them.  Makes you wonder what it is that keeps them fertile while we struggle.  So, now I have to watch my dog go through a pregnancy that will probably require her going through a c-section (she is tiny and the sire is HUGE...this was NOT planned).  Don't get me wrong, everyone loves puppies, but it's just more salt in the wound for me.  BLAH!  Thanks, life, for rubbing it in.

Peach

Why Can't I Let It Go?

After so many losses, you would think that I could just let go of my desire to have a baby. Even after promising myself I am done, I still dream about having another baby, dream about getting positive pregnancy tests, and still have the desire to try to get pregnant. Why can't I get it through my thick head that it's never going to happen without help? I decided that I would focus on getting everything in the right ranges, chart for a while longer and then look into IUI or IVF, or even surrogacy. I have a while before we can do anything like that, though. It will take a while to raise the money to be able to afford that. So, I will keep blogging about what I am doing to get healthy and to balance hormones, vitamins, and to regulate my cycle. Who knows, maybe it will help someone else get their rainbow or their long awaited baby. Good luck to all of you trying to conceive, no matter your circumstances!!

Live, Laugh, Love,

Peach

Hopes & Dreams Dashed Again

As per usual with me, we have miscarried again. I'm done. I can't do this any more. There comes a time when you realize you are broken and can't be fixed. I guess I am there. Good luck to those of you still trying. May you soon hold your precious babes in your arms.

Peach

A Little Celebrating...

Well, I got results back yesterday on my blood draw. My Progesterone was 18.4 (WOOT!!!) and my HCG was 4097!!!! I am literally OVER THE MOON!! I think this may REALLY be our sticky baby!! I'm not going all out celebrating just yet, though. We've had a healthy pregnancy before and still miscarried, so I'm still waiting, but the news did make me happy!! Please keep praying for us as we go through this journey. Pray that whatever happens, I have the strength to get through it! EDD: October 1, 2013!! WOOT!

5w4d!

Live, Laugh, Love,

Peach

The Waiting Game

Well, I'm 5w1d, today. I feel like I am playing the waiting game...just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I check every time I go to the bathroom to make sure I haven't started bleeding, yet. It's scary being pregnant again after so many losses. I'm so grateful to have all my fellow BLMs and friends along this journey with me. I think I might go insane with worry otherwise! So my HCG is more than doubling like it is supposed to. The first draw was 37, the 2nd draw was 101. I had another draw today and I'm hoping that it is over 1000...anything from 808 on up would actually be ok. My progesterone was a little low at 10. So I'm hoping that it has increased since last week. I should get my numbers back either today or tomorrow morning. It's hard to wait for results. Please continue to pray that this is our sticky bean. We need all the help we can get! That's all for today...just a quick update.

Live, Laugh, Love,

Peach

Surprise!

Yup, that's mine. I got that surprise a few days ago. We were waiting until February to really start trying, but apparently, someone had other plans. I didn't think it was possible at all this month, which just shows me how much I know. I won't break into how happy I am or what a miracle this is because, frankly, I'm terrified. Who with my track record wouldn't be?? So, all I can say, is please, please pray for us. I am not sure I'm strong enough to handle another loss...seriously. The last one did a number on me...or maybe it was all of them just culminating at the same time. I don't know. All I know is that I am NOT going to stress this time. I can't change it one way or the other. What is going to be, will be. Just pray that no matter what, God gives me strength and endurance to be able to handle what He has planned for me.

I just wanted to update with the surprise...so there you have it. We're preggo...AGAIN. Now to wait and see what happens.

Live, Laugh, Love,

Peach