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Friday, March 2, 2012

No More Miracles For Me

I started bleeding yesterday.  I've been dreading this moment.  Nothing like going to the bathroom in a public place and finding out you've started bleeding....then having to finish your shopping trip and trying not to cry. I wanted to punch something, cry, scream, ANYTHING, but I didn't.  I just told my husband and walked through the store completely unaware of anything else going on around me.  My heart was shattering for the 16th time and this time I'm not sure it will recover.  I knew better than to get excited, but we had a doc appt and everything was fine on Monday.  I was so happy that we might have had a chance.  When will I learn?  I came home and laid down...slept for a few hours and woke up to heavier bleeding. We went to the ER only to confirm my suspicions, this is actually the end.  I just want to go to bed and never get up.  I just don't care about the world any more.  My heart is broken and my baby is gone.