Pictures of Rainbows

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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Adoption?

If given the chance to have a private adoption after more than 4 years of trying with more losses than ANYONE should have to go through, would you do it?  There are so many questions going through my mind.  What if they back out at the end?  What if they decide not to do adoption but abort?  Can I handle those things?  Should I use a family name on an adopted child if it gets that far?  There's so much to think about.  This is still very much so in its infancy.  I never thought that I would be able to adopt.  Now that this may be an option, I must admit I'm a little scared to get into the process and get burned.  Even with a contract, it could get ugly if the mom wants to back out.  I'm not sure I can handle the pain of losing another baby.....especially one that was "guaranteed" to me.  

Have any of you ever thought about this?  Have you been through it?  What were your experiences....both good and bad?

It's just so hard to be looking at maybe holding a baby soon, but to not get excited, or get your hopes up, or anything.  I want to be fully prepared if this starts moving forward, but I don't want to be invested in it if it doesn't.  

If you adopted, did you gear up to breastfeed?  It's not impossible to do.  I know I would have to, but I'm not real sure how to go about it.  If you've ever been through that, what was your experience?  I need feedback on this one, ladies!  I'm depending on you to help me decide and maybe get ready.

Well, I'm 10 DPO today.  I don't think this cycle is a hit, but maybe more of a miss.  I wish we could know as soon as conception occurs.  If you've ever seen the movie Wall-E...the robot Eva had a light that came on when she was carrying a sign of life on earth.  A little green light started flashing.  Why couldn't we have something like that??  LOL  It would totally make the TTC journey a lot easier!  Oh well, I guess we will wait and see.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

When A Baby Dies Workshop



Have you ever wondered why people ask the most insensitive questions or just down right stupid questions to women that have lost babies?  Have you ever noticed how insensitive a NORMAL preggo is to a baby loss mom that is pregnant with a Rainbow?  There is no changing them, but there is a way to change how we react to and answer some of those statements and questions.  There is a workshop on September 14, 2011 from 8:00p - 9:00p Central Time to help us deal with just this.  It counts as 1.0 credit hour for nurses toward their continuing edication, too!  The cost is $10.00 and it is an online event.  I really think if you can do this, you should.  It will be helpful not just to you, but to any other baby loss mom you happen to meet.  We really need to share this!!  Here is the Facebook page for the event. http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=251519834865905  I hope you will check it out and at least consider participating!

In other news, Hurricane Irene made landfall today and has devastated or will devastate many places on the east coast from NC to ME.  Please be praying for all of those affected by Irene.  I personally have 12 friends that are being directly affected at their homes.  I'm praying for all of you!!!

As for my TTC journey...I am currently 7DPO and my temps have been low for a few days.  I am pretty sure my progesterone level is in garbage.  That pretty much means this cycle is a bust.  I need to get my progesterone cream.  These pills are not cutting it.  Oh well.  On to the next cycle, right?  There's always another....*sigh*

Here is the link to Sherokee Ilse's sight for her books.  She is the lady doing the workshop.  She has lots of books to help familes with the loss of a baby.  

Monday, August 22, 2011

Ron Paul 2012 & Things



Today not much is going on.  I've been stirring the pot on Twitter (You can follow me by going here :  My Twitter )trying to raise awareness for Ron Paul.  If you are curious about a true constitutionalist, you should check him out.  Go here: Ron Paul 2012

I am pretty sure I O'd on CD 14 this time!!!  WOOT!  We'll know for sure tomorrow!  If my temp is 98.0 or higher, it means I did in fact O and I will be 3DPO!  Keep your fingers crossed!!  I started taking my new med (all natural) ProgestoEnhance yesterday.  We'll see if it helps at all.  I'm hoping it does the trick or we will have one more cycle down the drain.  I'm not sure I am ready for that.  That's about all this time, I guess.  I'll post my chart here for you to stalk if you feel the need!  XOXOXO ladies!

My chart

CD16 and hoping I really did O 2 days ago!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Update

Well, it looks like I am probably Oing today!  I got my +OPK today and I am cramping on both sides and have some pinching, too!  I don't know many people that get their +OPK and O in the same day.  Leave it to me to be odd!  I could still not O until tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure today is the day.  DH and I have been rockstars in the BD deprtment!!  WOOT!  We'll get in more BDing until confirmation of O, though.  Gotta make sure, right?



Yesterday was A Day of Hope... baby loss awareness.  It just pains my heart so see that so many wonderful women have been through such a heartbreaking thing.  All those precious babies that were loved and wanted were taken from them too early.  It's so very sad.  I have to say, though, that my losses have brought me some friendships with amazing women that I otherwise would not have met!  Please, if you know of someone that has lost a child, don't be afraid to be their friend...and don't be afraid to ask questions!  It's better to inform people and let them know what some women go through...and let them know it could happen to them.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!!  I'll let you know tomorrow if I am indeed Oing!!

CD14 and hoping this is O!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Pitfalls of TTC




Yes, I am writing about some of the pitfalls of TTC, today.  Why, you ask?  Well, during this mornings session of DTD (doing the deed), we ran into one of those pitfalls, so it just seemed appropriate to write about it.  I know sometimes in this journey we can feel so alone or like everything is working against us.  So, I hope this helps everyone know that these things happen to ALL of us at sometime or another.

What to do when you are in your fertile window and sex is just not happening (because of him):  Take a break!  Remember that what is most important isn't the time, but the day.  Try to relax, cuddle up and do something else for a little while and then later get back to trying.  Try to keep an air of romance going throughout your day (as crestfallen, frustrated, or mad as you may be) and make sure he doesn't feel pressure to perform.  Some guys just can't deal with the stress of on demand sex.  Try to keep the mood light and fun and make sure you flirt like crazy with him.  Guys need to know they are loved and not just wanted for the prize inside!  When you get back to trying, try something new and exciting.  Maybe do something for him you have said you never would, or talk dirty to him, or even give HIM the foreplay attention.  Try doing a massage for him or teasing him until he just can't stand not to have you.  I bet your issues will melt away and you'll get your successful BD in on time.  You never know, you might even find something that makes it AMAZING!

What to do when you are in your fertile window and sex is just not happening (because of you):  This isn't very likely, but it does happen.  So when you get upset because your DH seems uninterested and that turns your motor off, try starting on your own and maybe that will pique his interest!  If it's not happening because it's painful or you are dry, try taking some Tylenol before hand, or taking some Evening Primrose Oil or Mucinex to give you better CM.  This might help to keep it from being painful and you from being rather dry.  You can also make sure to super hydrate as well. 

What to do when you've tried everything and nothing is working:  Go to plan B.  Start with a fresh cycle...no additives from your arsenal and spontaneous BD.  Obviously if you have a medical condition, stay on your meds that help that, but otherwise, throw out all the supplements, gimmicks, and tricks, and try to relieve some of the TTC stress.  I know it will always be in the back of your mind, but sometimes the stress can be what's causing issues.  After a cycle of just playing it by ear, I would suggest using only 1 supplement.  Personally, I would start with Vitex.  Take that everyday for the next 3 months unless you happen to get your BFP, and see if you notice a difference.  At that point, you can add some EPO or Mucinex to help with more fertile CM.  After doing that for a few months with the Vitex, add instead cups.  These are cheap, a little messy, but none the less, give you a better chance by holding it all in there a little longer.  STAY AWAY FROM SOY PRODUCTS!  So can cause issues with your thyroid hormones absorbing and doing what they need to do.  IF you already have a thyroid issue, this can really mess up your cycle.  Thyroid issues are a large cause of infertility issues.  I made the mistake of taking soy isoflavones for 3 cycles and the last cycle I did them, I had a bad cycle.  I wish I had known about them causing these issues with thyroid before I took them, but you won't find that in most research.  It took me seeing Dr. Brownstein's Overcoming Thyroid Disorders to find that little tidbit of information.  So, if you are like most Americans, and have a thyroid condition or even suspect you do, DON'T use soy isoflavones!!


There are many other pitfalls that we will cover (I'm sure) some other day, but I wanted to pass those along.  I hope they are helpful and that you find the remedies to work for you!  I look forward to hearing about all your wonderful BFPs!!

CD10 today, and it's go time!  We should be squeezing in every available opportunity to DTD if I am to O on CD14.  I have another day or two if it's CD16.  I'm hoping for the latter...lol  Our EPIC FAIL in the bedroom today was disheartening, but we are trying to put that out of our minds like I explained for others to try, earlier.  Hopefully, sometime today I will get in that all important BD and be able to mark it on my chart.  OH THE JOYS OF TTC!!  HAHA

Monday, August 15, 2011

Praying For Rain

Today we drove out to the lake house for a mini vacay/to help my SIL by watching her daughter Jenna.  The drought where I live is horrible right now....and so is the heat!  The lake is not OK to swim in, now.  There are dead fish everywhere and the lake level is severely low.  There are so many hazards in the water now that we haven't known were there because they were so far under the water.  Well, now, you can see all sorts of things.  It's sad really.  

I am praying that God will send rain to us.  We need it so bad!  Please pray with us for rain...even if you are getting it where you are.  Please send any rain you get this way!!  I took some pictures to show how bad this drought really is here.

This pier used to be in deep water.  Now it doesn't even touch the water and the swim ladder is useless.
This is where we used to swim.  Where I was standing while taking this pic would have been in the water.
 The water here used to go as high as his hips.  He is 6'1", just to give you a little more perspective.  I would have been swimming to take this pic!

These pictures were taken from points that would normally be in the lake, but are now bone dry.  There are dead fish all over the place, too.  I have pictures of those, but chose not to post them here.  So, please, pray for us to get rain!  We really need a torrential downpour.

As for the TTC journey, we are rocking along.  I'm CD 9 and hoping to O sometime between CD14-16.  We'll see if that actually happens, though.  Not too much else going on here.  I hope everyone is having a great week and I'll hopefully, have something better to post tomorrow!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Frustrations



Here I am...did you think I had given up on blogging, or maybe even TTC?  Well, as much as the thought crosses my mind to give up on TTC, I am way too stubborn to do that.  If I want something bad enough, I will move heaven and earth to get it.  It may take a while, but I will indeed do it.

Not having a computer to post from is quite frustrating.  My phone won't let me post, otherwise I would have done it that way.  There really isn't much going on in my world as far as TTC is concerned, though.  I'm CD7 and pretty sure this cycle is all screwed up due to a progesterone mix up with my last cycle.  My doc gave me some pills to take that help you generate your own progesterone, but they took about a week to kick in and by that time it was too late, AF was 3 days early, leaving me with an 11 day LP.  Not only that, but once they kicked in, they stopped AF on CD 4.  So, we'll see what happens from here on out through my cycle, but I'm not holding my breath for anything major to be accomplished this cycle.

In other news, Ron Paul came in 2nd in today's Iowa Straw Poll!!  It will be difficult for the main stream media to ignore him now!!!  If you haven't looked at Ron Paul, yet, and you are tired of the way the country is going and the same old same old from the Republican side, too, check him out!  You might be surprised that not everything you heard about him is true!  Here's a link to his sight!  Ron Paul 2012

Ok, well, that's all my major news for now.  I will try to get on some computer soon and update further!  Keep your fingers crossed that I actually O this cycle even with the progesterone debacle!!  Love to all my ladies!!

CD7 and waiting to see if I will O!

Monday, August 8, 2011

PMS Roller Coaster



13 Things PMS Stands For:
1.  Pass My Shotgun
2.  Psychotic Mood Shift
3.  Perpetual Munching Spree
4.  Puffy Mid-Section
5.  People Make me Sick
6.  Provide Me with Sweets
7.  Pardon My Sobbing
8.  Pimples May Surface
9.  Pass My Sweatpants
10.  Pissy Mood Syndrome
11.  Plainly, Men Suck
12.  Pack My Stuff

…and my all time favorite…
13.  Potential Murder Suspect

I'm sure you guessed it, AF has arrived!  OH THE JOY!  I'm EXTREMELY unhappy about it, since it was early.  Yup, AF showed her ugly face at 12DPO.  I ended up with a shortened LP due to my pharmacy running out of  bio-identical progesterone cream.  When I ran out, I went to get it refilled and that didn't happen so my progesterone levels dropped causing AF to arrive early.  I talked to my doc and she gave me some herbal pills to take called ProgestoEnhance.  These pills are NOT progesterone, but they give you the building blocks to create your own progesterone....they also take a week to get into your system.  Needless to say they didn't help with this cycle.  So, I'll continue on these and hope that my body cooperates and that I actually start producing my own progesterone.  Time will tell I guess.  

Right now, I am drowning my sorrows in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and sleeping as much as I can.  I'm also taking Cramp Bark to help with those dreaded menstrual cramps.  I'm pretty sure I have decided I now hate tampons and want a Diva Cup for the next go round with AF.  You can click on the links to find out about each of the products I have mentioned here.  No, I don't get paid for any of them and am not affiliated with any of their companies in any way.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions right now.  I really hate this time of month.  It's rough, not just on me, but on everyone around me.  I hate the crying jags, the irritability, the instantaneous anger or hurt feelings that are so irrational.  I apologize right now for anything I say or do in the next 5 days that may offend anyone.  I promise you, it's absolutely not intended!  So if you'll hang on tight and try to enjoy some of the ride, this roller coaster is taking off!

CD2 and NOT happy!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Breastfeeding Controversies



What Are Breasts For?

Written by NPN Guest

Breasts in papers line the shops,
Breasts on billboards, skimpy tops,
Breasts on beaches out on show,
What are breasts for? do you know?
I think that some perhaps forgot,
(The formula companies helped a lot)
Monkeys, cats and even camels,
Are all like us and we’re called Mammals.
Mammal means that milk we make,
On instant tap for babe to take,
So why then now in modern age,
Is bottle feeding all the rage?
Did women’s breasts break over time?
Did breastmilk become less sublime?
Did something better come along?
Maybe nature got it wrong!
Alas the answer’s sadly not,
Nothings changed, not a jot,
At least in terms of women’s breasts,
And doing what they do the best.
The other a poor substitute,
Which evidence does not refute,
Increasing risk of death, disease,
Cancers, cot death, being obese.
For this the parents have to pay,
A pound or two, but every day!
It then needs making, every feed,
At 3am not what you need!
With babies dying every day,
I really think its time we say,
Give women the support they need,
To feed their babies AND succeed!
( borrowed from:  http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/what-are-breasts-for/  )

Obviously, this post is keeping in line with this being World Breastfeeding Week.  I was sent this poem a couple of days ago and wanted to make sure to share it with all of you!  I also wanted to talk about a doll that is out that mimics breast feeding.  Here is the link to the article on this doll:


Ok, so I would like to know what you all think about this doll.  I have asked several of my BBC groups about it and in most circles, it has been very well received.  Notice in the comments on the article, though, not so much.  It just astounds me that in our country we only view breasts as a sex object and not as a source of food for our children.  The original reason for breasts was, and still is, to produce milk to feed our young.  Somehow, over the years, it has become taboo to breastfeed your child.  Heaven forbid you do it in public!  I understand being modest while breastfeeding and covering up, but what's the big issue of not covering up??  It's a breast...it's there to feed your child!  People in Europe breastfeed in public and it is a world wide (other than in the U.S.) accepted practice.  They even have wet nurses (other women that are hired specifically to breastfeed your child) in England and Europe.  So why do we see it as such a taboo practice?  Honestly, I believe it all has to do with most men viewing our breasts as sex objects and the film/photography/advertising industries promoting that point of view.  Why sexualize something that is so natural and good?  It honestly makes me mad that this sort of mentality has become the norm!

In this article, they quote several "experts" that say that this doll is exposing children to things they aren't quite ready for and that it may cause children to think that it's OK to get pregnant at an early age.  REALLY??  I want to know how THIS doll is any different from the dolls that pee, poop, cry, crawl, talk, eat, drink, etc?  So, just because this doll does what any baby would do to eat if the mother wasn't formula feeding, it tells children that it's alright to get pregnant at an early age???  What about these other dolls?  Wouldn't they do the same thing if that were true??  If this doll exposes them to things they aren't quite ready for, wouldn't those other dolls, too??  What child that plays with dolls is ready to have a pooping, peeing, crying, eating, crawling baby???  None that I know of, yet it's OK for them to have those kinds of dolls!  This is honestly just a way to further discriminate against breastfeeding if you ask me.  It has nothing to do with all the things those "experts" say.  It's just a way to make men, and now some women, too, feel better about their insecurities with the female body!  Now, don't get me wrong...I understand some people NEED to formula feed...and you know what, that's OK.  It's up to the mother to decide how she will feed her child.  I wonder, though, how all these experts would have felt back before they had formula when your only option was to breastfeed your child??  That might prove to be interesting!

So, my friends, please, do what you can to help promote World Breastfeeding Week and breastfeeding awareness.  Please don't be ugly to those that don't choose to breastfeed as you may not know their circumstances.  Let's try to change the way this country looks at breastfeeding and help more women know that it is more than alright for them to choose to do so...even in public!!

I'd love to hear your views on the subject!!  Please feel free to comment, but please, let's all be nice about it!

10 DPO and hoping I have the opportunity to breastfeed again really soon!!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

POAS Addiction Strikes AGAIN!!



Remember me telling you about what it's like as a POAS addict??  I thought I had it under control!  I really did!  But here I am falling off the wagon again!!  Hi, my name is Peach and I am a POAS-a-holic!!  Those tiny little packages that are stuffed deep in a drawer in my bathroom are calling me!!  I can hear them whispering, "PEE ON ME!!!"  It doesn't matter how far away I go, it wafts to me on the wind...is carried to me in the sound of fountains trickling!  It's going to take all I have to fight this addiction!!!  It's too early!!  (Who am I kidding?  It's NEVER too early to POAS!!  HAHA  Sure it'll be a BFN, but who cares...I will have POAS!!!!)  I....MUST........HOLD........O-U-T!!!  Hold me back ladies....don't let me near them...not yet!!!  UGH!!!!

I just spent the last hour trying to stave off this horrid addiction!!  I was looking at +HPTs that people got BEFORE 12 DPO!  That's right....staving off the addiction or maybe it was feeding it...I don't know!!!!  I've got to do something else to occupy my time.  I'm seriously fighting the urge to run into the bathroom, dig out my collection cup and HPTs and USE them!  *DEEP BREATH*  Ok....I think I got it all out of my system.  I can do this right?  Only 5 more days until I should test...I'll make it.....right??????

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Breastfeeding



This week is World Breastfeeding Week!!  World Breastfeeding Week (WBW) is an annual celebration and awareness campaign highlighting and recognizing the benefits of breastfeeding in communities across the globe. As the greatest outreach vehicle for the breastfeeding movement, WBW aims to bring breastfeeding to the forefront of community agendas so everyone can be part of the dialogue! WBW is entering its 20th year and is officially celebrated from Aug 1st-7th by over 170 countries.  This is so important!!  We need to help people go from seeing breastfeeding as an "uncomfortable" thing in public to seeing it as doing the best thing you can for your baby!  No chemicals, no fillers, no synthetic materials...just all natural milk from mother to baby...this is the way it was meant to be.  This is how our bodies were made.  I do, however, realize there are some people that cannot breastfeed due to medical conditions, medications, or the baby having an allergy to mother's milk, an adoption, etc.  Those things cannot be helped and by all means, the mother's are doing the very best they can to feed their children by giving formula!  I am one that will never do formula, as I have an allergy to one common ingredient in it...Coconut Oil.  I can't be around it, much less touch it!  So, I have no other choice, but to breastfeed...but I wouldn't have it any other way!!  I can't wait until I can hold my baby and nurse him or her.  What a precious bonding moment that will be!  I will cherish every moment of it...if it ever comes!  I did breastfeed all 3 of my living children.  Although not as long as I would have liked with my boys.  Kayleigh, however was a breast baby and didn't want anything but!  I was actually afraid I would never get her to eat baby food or drink juice or water!  HAHA  She wouldn't even take a bottle with pumped breastmilk in it.  She wanted mommy and that was all!  I loved it!  I can't tell you how wonderful that time I spent with her was!  Funny I should end up talking about her, today (Aug 3rd) as it is her 10th birthday.  It's so hard to believe that 10 years ago I gave birth to this precious girl and held her for the first time.  I had waited so long for her!!  There she was, sweet, innocent, and so wide-eyed!!  She had me wrapped around her little finger the instant I heard her cry!  Her brothers fell in love with her, too!  What wonderful memories to look back on!!  So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY KAYLEIGH ROO!!!  Mommy loves you!!


8 DPO...hoping this cycle isn't a bust due to a glitch with my progesterone.  My pharmacy is out and so am I!!  No other pharmacy carries the bio-identical progesterone cream in my city.  My doc, however, did give me some pills to take that provide the building blocks for my body to make it's own progesterone (all natural), but it takes longer to get into the system.  I am hoping that this doesn't let my progesterone level fall and cause AF to show up early.  I'm a tad bit on the terrified side right now as testing is only 6 days away at the longest.  I might test early just in case, but I guess only time will tell.  I hope everyone else is having a great day!!!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Love



Have I told you lately how much I love my husband?  Have I told you how wonderful he is to me?  I don't say it near enough to him, but he is my world!  I have no idea how I became so blessed to have such a wonderful man love me the way he does.  I'm a VERY lucky lady!!  He has taken care of me when I was sick, hurt, sad, defeated...you name it, and he has been by my side holding my hand and always reminding me how much he loves me and needs me.  I could only hope that all of you are half as lucky, blessed, and happy as I!!  

I was watching The Bachelorette tonight, and watching how Ashley and JP were with each other...and I KNOW she made the right decision.  They have what we have.  No matter what bad things we have gone through, we've always been happy and loved each other.  It's a sensation I have never had before.  To go through some of the worst things, like losing a baby multiple times, having severe money issues due to the economy, and some other more private things, and still be happy in those moments with each other is so surreal.  I didn't know it was possible....until I met Terry.  He makes my heart happy!!  Never has there been a day where I have not wanted to touch him, kiss him, hold him.  I hate being away from him for any length of time...which is odd coming from a former military wife that did a year stent apart from her spouse with relative ease.  We literally spend just about 24/7 with each other,  and we don't kill each other...we don't argue like most couples would.  We ENJOY being with each other more than most people could even imagine!  I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!  :-D

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13,

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

This has been my standard for love for years...and holding myself and my husband to this standard is what plays a big role in our happiness.  We are in LOVE...scriptural LOVE!  

6DPO......