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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Fighting The POAS Addiction

In previous posts, you've heard me talk about being a POAS addict. Well, in gearing up for our first cycle back TTC, I bought 50 HPTs. I got them yesterday. KNOWING full well that there was no chance this month, I still want to POAS and see a blazing BFP. Why does this happen? I just don't understand. This makes me feel like a total head case! LOL DH and I have literally not had but maybe 4 BDing sessions this cycle. It's pretty much impossible. But still, I have taken 2 tests...the first one a BFN, but MAYBE I saw something (rolling my eyes at myself, now). So, the next morning, I use FMU and still, MAYBE I see something. So, I take a few pics with my phone, plug it into my computer and start tweaking it. I play with the settings in photoshop for probably 2 hours and convince myself there actually is something there (although I know it's just an indent from where they put the dye strip). So, I go back every few hours or so to look at it, see if I can still see my phantom line and then sit there wondering and hoping. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF??? *sigh* Why is it that TTC makes you crazy?? Why can't it be just as easy as your mother told you it was in High School to get pregnant? "It only takes one time of not being careful, honey! Just PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE always be careful if you decide to have sex with someone!" my mom said. Little did she know that it would take me a minimum of 6 years to conceive! UGH! Ok, so I'm going to try to get my head straightened out and convince myself I'm being completely irrational. I'm going to convince myself that the little sticks in the bathroom on the shelf are indeed blank in the test field and that I NEED to throw them away and save me tests for later next cycle when there might actually BE A REAL CHANCE that I might get preggo. Hopefully, tomorrow, I can ignore the beckoning of the sticks. I need to ignore it...so Lord, GIVE ME STRENGTH AND PATIENCE...AND HURRY!!!

Live, Laugh, Love,


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