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Thursday, September 15, 2011


I'm at a point where I'm wondering what my options are.  I can't do adoption unless it's private.  Even then I am not sure that I can do that because of the money.  Then there is surrogacy.  I don't know of anyone that would do that for us...especially without getting paid large amounts of money.  We would want to use my egg and his sperm....so that would mean doing egg retrieval.   Expensive in itself.  I just don't know if we are ever going to get pregnant on our own.  I don't know what else we can do.  We can't afford IVF.  My insurance doesn't cover it or IUIs anymore.  It doesn't even cover anything that has to do with fertility...well, other than a yearly pap.  I just want to bang my head against the wall!!  I'm so frustrated!  I never thought it would be this hard to get pregnant.  I never had issues getting pregnant before!  WHY did I have to get so sick and take all those horrible meds??  I don't understand any of it!  All I wanted was to be able to have my baby.  That's STILL all I want!  I'm so frustrated!!  I'm Angry!  I'm crushed!  I'm throwing my hands up now and saying isn't this much suffering enough?  I've lost 14 babies!!  14!!!!!!!!!!  When is enough ENOUGH??  When do I get to bring one home?  My heart aches for a baby that apparently I will never get.  It's been 4 years and 7 months.  Isn't that long enough??


1 comment:

  1. Hey girl.. I hope you don't mind my following your personal blog. I had no idea you were dealing with so much and I am so sorry, but I will certainly put you on my prayer list!! I have a personal one on here as well: http://stacyduncan.blogspot.com/ if you would like to follow. I miss hearing from you in fireproof, but its nice to see you on here. I am praying for you and your family, my hubby and I will say a special prayer for you tonight as we pray. :)