Pain

You know it sucks that people can't see the pain that people are going through.  It sucks to have to put on a happy face even when you're dying inside.  I hate it.  I swear every friend I have has posted they are pregnant this month.  I wanna know why I can't get that way???? I mean seriously.  This sucks more that I can even put into words!!  So tonight, I'm saying FTW!  Vodka is my friend and I am not going to hurt for at least one night!  I'm tired of worrying about it.  I'm tired of thinking about it.  I'm just plain old tired of being the one that CAN'T get pregnant and hold on to it.  I'm tired of being everyone's encouragement and smiling face.  I just want my baby!!!  I want any of the 14 I have lost!!  I want to hold just one in my arms...PLEASE???  I don't know what I did to make God decide I'm not good enough, but I wish I could change it.  I WANT MY BABY!!!!!