Riding Out the Storm

 A Beacon of Hope

When out on a ship in the stormy sea,
filled with fear and anxiety,
seeking a refuge in the night,
a strong and steady guiding light
to reassure and relieve the fright,
a lighthouse offers security.

As the lighthouse stands on a distant shore,
giving hope where there was none before,
providing a light that is steady and true,
helping the ship come safely through,
a strong fortress to navigate to,
it's a beacon of hope as the waves crash and roar.

When overcome by life's stormy sea,
frightened and filled with uncertainty,
God is a refuge in the night,
a sure, dependable guiding light,
providing a love that is always bright,
a beacon of hope for you and me.

~ Connie Arnold ~

Today, I'm still riding out the storm.  The bleeding, cramping, fatigue, and nausea are still almost unbearable.  The only thing that makes it better is the Cramp Bark I was so blessed to find.  If you have horrible cramps or are going through a miscarriage, I cannot recommend this stuff enough!  It's amazing. (Here's a link so you can check it out: http://www.herbalextractsplus.com/cramp-bark.cfm   NO, I don't make anything off of it.  I'm not affiliated with this site at all.)  I'm still dealing with the emotional side of things, too.  I don't want to go do anything, or go anywhere.  I just want to sleep or lose myself in the TV or online.  Anything is better than thinking about it all.  I am so tired, but I'm sure that's the Cramp Bark or the depression.  I know I'll perk back up once we get past the storm and into the clear again.  Why does it seem to take so long?  I hate this part.  Just a few days more to go...hopefully, no longer than that.  I know it would help if I had girlfriends around that I could hang out with or that would drag me out to go do things.  I could probably use a good laugh right about now.  Unfortunately, I don't.  No one understands what it's like to go through what we've been going through...they don't know what to say...so they just stay away.  Great, huh?  It's almost as if they think infertility is catching...lol  I long for the days where I will have play dates and birthday parties and mommy's day out gatherings.  When will it be my turn???  I know, I know...just take one day at a time.  That's all I can do, really.  It's not like I have a fast forward button or anything.  Oh how I wish I did, though!  I'd love to skip all of this infertility and get to my baby!

I have always admired women that can go through a storm and come out on the other side just beautiful and loving.  I wonder if I will be one of those or if I will be haggard looking, worse for wear, and bitter?  I pray that God will help me to be one of those sweet people that go through it and come out perfectly fine.  Maybe you guys can pray for that for me, too?  Right now I don't feel like I'm headed in the direction of perfectly fine, but more toward the haggard and bitter direction.  That's not what I want to be, but I wonder how much control we really have over that?  Maybe it's just about strength...or having a good support system...or maybe it's about healing...I don't know.  I just hope I make it there.  I don't want this ship to sink in the storm.

CD4...10-16 days until O